What We Hold On To - Making Transitions Easier...

When seasons change — both outside and within us too. When things are shifting fast, we might want something to hold on to. Something that helps us feel steady amidst the flux.

The child psychologist, Winnicott, wrote about how certain objects can help children through times of change. A special blanket might help a child feel calm at bedtime. A favourite toy might help them feel safe when they are away from home.

He called these things 'transitional objects'. I think of them as little bridges that help us move from one place or feeling to another.

We understand a child’s need for something familiar and comforting as they move through change. But as adults, we don’t always give ourselves permission for the same.

Every year at this time, I pick up a fresh conker.

I choose the one that fits most comfortably in my hand. I like the way they feel — smooth, cool and solid. But we don’t have to love every part of change. It can raise many different feelings. Winnicott said that these transitional objects need to be able to withstand the strength of these feelings too. I can squeeze the conker as hard as I like. It might give a little, but it won’t break. It is sturdy while things are changing around me.

For a few days, I keep the conker somewhere I can see it. I pick it up. I take a photograph to send to a friend. It becomes a little ritual — something familiar before whatever comes next.

And then over time, gently without noticing, it gets covered by new things. And I lose it.

When I find the conker again in the spring, I’m always pleased, but somehow, it no longer feels quite as important. I can enjoy it for what it is, rather than feeling from it that same sense of steadiness.

As Winnicott suggests, the transitional object can help us through a period of change, holding something familiar and comforting for us while we find our way through. And when we have crossed that particular threshold, it may gradually lose its significance.

We don’t need it forever.

But it can be wonderful to have something to hold, and something which holds us, while we cross. An invitation to the reader. As you move through times of change, is there something you notice which helps you keep steady? Is there an object, a familiar ritual, a place, a piece of music, or even a small everyday habit that gives you a sense of continuity and comfort?

It doesn’t have to be significant to anyone else. Sometimes the simplest things can quietly remind us that, even when circumstances are changing, something of what feels familiar can stay with us.

What might you choose to keep close when you need a little steadiness?